Deception

Once upon a time, there was an average man with an average life, but he didn't want to be average. He was full of unrealized dreams; he had an unshakable sense, based on nothing real, the he was unique and destined to greatness. His delusion caused him great suffering and resentment of a world which refused to acknowledge his specialness.   

One day this man had an idea: He decided to run for a local political office. He knew he could do as well as the idiot currently in the job, even if the idiot did have a background in political science and years of experience in public-sector and elected positions. None of that mattered, since this is, after all, a democracy which means that everybody can do anything.   

The average man became obsessed with his goal and worked hard to achieve it. He started targeting powerful people (bosses, supervisors, people with money) and offered to do anything they wanted him to do. He eliminated from his life everyone who couldn't directly assist him in earning votes or funding, and he made a point of being in the right place at the right time with the right people. After mounting what he thought was a fool-proof campaign, his hopes turned to despair and disbelief when the idiot beat him by a very comfortable margin.  

The average man was at a loss; he couldn't imagine why he'd lost or, more important, how dare they deprive him of what he knew he deserved. As he moped and feared that he would never escape his averageness, he became extremely depressed.  He stopped going out, understandable since he had abandoned his few friends, and he even considered suicide. 

Then, one evening, as he was watching a commercial about abused animals, he began to cry. He couldn't bear to see their sad eyes and quivering bodies. He was about to change the channel when he had his eureka moment.  Puppies!  Everybody loves puppies!   What the average man had realized was that, rather than trying to get people to like and vote for him, he would have a much easier time getting people to vote for puppies! If he ran on the issue that everyone deserved a puppy, he couldn't go wrong!   

Average man became a man of action once again.  He surveyed his community to find out how many people had pets, how many animals had been rescued from local shelters, and how many families with children did not have puppies. He contacted private and public agencies and asked if they would support him in his run for office not because he cared about himself, but because, once elected, he would ensure that there would never be another abandoned or abused puppy, and that everyone's lives would be better with puppies.  

His strategy worked. Before long, he was being invited to speak to community groups and political rallies. He caught the attention of the media and was interviewed by local news agencies. Then, to his delight, donations started coming in; and he began to recruit volunteers to help manage his burgeoning organization. Posters with him holding a puppy were suddenly ubiquitous. He was the puppy-guy; he had found his hook.  

As his fame grew, he was invited to debate his opponent, the idiot who had beat him the last time. He honed his debate skills and held focus groups to determine how he might alter his appearance or behavior in order to outshine anyone else on the stage. Then, after weeks of preparation, his first debate began. "Tell the audience," said the moderator, "why you think puppies are so important that you have based your campaign on this one issue."  

The average man laughed.  "Is that a gotcha question?...No, no, it's OK. You must know that everyone deserves a puppy! Why do you think I have so much support?"  The audience cheered.   

"Excuse me, sir, but how can you make that statement?  What evidence do you have that puppies are for everyone?"   

"Slow down there, buddy. Are you sure you're an American?  How can you not know that this country was based on freedom, and what better example of freedom is the freedom to have a puppy?"  The audience roared and pumped their fists.  

"Are you saying that having a puppy is somehow based on the constitution?"  

"Have you read the constitution?  I have. And I think it's clear to any right-minded patriot that everyone who wants a puppy should have one."   

"All right, then," said the exasperated moderator.  "Let's try another approach.  If you win, how will you ensure that everyone gets a puppy? How will you determine who gets which puppy? How about puppies who need medical care, spaying or neutering? What if someone already has a puppy and wants a new one?"  

"I can tell that you're just trying to catch me off-guard.  Nice try, but it won't work. I've got thousands and thousands of people who know I'm right and who are going to vote for me.  So why don't you get lost, and take your crappy attitude with you!" 

The crowd went wild, screaming "Puppies! Puppies!" Some  threw cups and trash at the moderator until security got her safely out of the room.  

The crowd continued to cheer night after night, rally after rally, until the average man was at last victorious: He won the election in a landslide.   Once in office, after he was informed of the complexity and of implementing his puppy platform and that it would take a great deal of time, money, and effort and would probably fail (thus making him look bad), he announced that the issue would be put aside for another day. 

After all, now that he had obtained the power he sought, who needed puppies?